Early Morning

4am: I'm unexpectedly awake and I can't figure out what came first, the chicken or the egg.  Am I awake because I'm coughing or did I wake up and then start coughing?  Is it anxiety about money and kids and life?  All of the holiday planning I've been trying to do? Is it thinking about the conversation with a friend at dinner? Is it just that I went to bed early?  One way or another, it's 4am and I'm awake and I'll take it, I like early mornings but never seem to drag myself out of bed early enough to enjoy them without kids.  I carefully walk downstairs and try to avoid the squeaky spots on the stairs, then set a pot of water on the stove to boil  to make tea because it won't make noise.  
4:15 and I swear I hear someone stirring. I cross my fingers that it isn't a kid and freeze for a minute.  It's not, or if it is, they're not waking up.  I remember hearing a quote or story yesterday about insomnia and the different kinds and I remember thinking, "Thank goodness I only ever have trouble just getting to sleep, that would be so hard to just wake up in the middle of the night." And here I am.  But I went to bed by 9:30, so it's not like I haven't gotten any sleep, so I might as well embrace the quiet time I enjoy so much.  I find a pin on Pinterest and fall down the rabbit hole of AWESOME kid gift ideas.  
4:23: I squeeze honey into the bottom of a mug, then add a tea bag and pour in the boiling water.  I wonder why I put the honey in first, it's usually last.  I stir and stir and it's the sound of sickness and winter from childhood, I hadn't thought about that in forever but it reminds me because when I saw my mom 2 days ago and told her I had a cold and sore through and cough, the first thing she asked me was if I wanted a cup of tea.  
4:32: I definitely just heard a kid yawn and it occurs to me how hard it is to tell apart my kids voices and noises and it won't be like that forever.  PLEASE let them stay asleep. I hear footsteps. Calculate in my head how much ipad time would be reasonable to let them have this early in the morning if it means more quiet time for myself. It gets quiet again.  I wonder how loud my typing is as I hear my husband stir, too.  I need to stop typing, I want them to stay asleep. Now is as good of a time as any to share Halloween pics, right? 


  1. As I was reading, I could completely relate to trying to be up, but needing to be so quiet. It's amazing to me how the tiniest of sounds can wake people up much too early in the morning! Hope you had a few extra moments of quiet this morning!

  2. if i wake up, she wakes up. a bummer as i don't get those refreshed morning hours to myself. i hope your kids stayed asleep. 4:30 is WAY to early to be mama! :)


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